‘Nonanswers’: What query are you most afraid to reply?

Impressed by the questions we ask in day by day dialog however by no means discover a comfortable conclusion for, Nonanswers explores the emotions, confusions and tribulations of Stanford college students. Each essay on this column will probably be centered round a well timed query, and will probably be structured round private experiences, conversations and tales from my time on campus. Be happy to submit a query for me to dissect, or ship me a solution (or nonanswer) for one which I ask.

The theme of this column is questions: ones that lack a satisfying reply, that make you suppose, and that I’ve spent a very long time fascinated with. It’s typically onerous for me to think about a becoming query to give attention to. I need it to be well timed and relatable, one thing that Stanford college students will wish to examine and discover. Throughout weeks like this one, when I’ve three unstarted p-sets due, a midterm I haven’t studied for, and completely zero work ethic left, inspiration is tough to seek out. I pull up the questions from the sport We’re Not Actually Strangers, as a result of considered one of my objectives for this column is to make campus really feel smaller and remind those that they’re not alone. Nonetheless, nothing is placing a nerve. Then, sarcastically, I land on successful:

What query are you most afraid to reply?

I used to have lots of these. In elementary faculty, I used to be always frightened that I might be requested to current in entrance of the category or share my reply out loud — I used to be afraid to reply any query in any respect. I wasn’t shy with my mates, however being the focal point terrified me, and I saved myself small out of the concern of being known as on and answering improper. I believe I’ve outgrown that concern, as a result of someplace alongside the way in which I noticed that oftentimes, I’m not improper. Even when I’m, sharing a solution might be gratifying, particularly when it results in new conversations and deeper insights.

In center faculty, I used to be most afraid to reply questions on my id. What sort of meals do you eat at residence? Are you able to communicate Chinese language? Why does your dad sound like that? I got here from a faculty district that was two % Asian, so I usually discovered it a blurry line, whether or not my friends have been genuinely curious and simply ignorant, or being merciless on objective. I may deal with being requested to verify or deny widespread stereotypes; regardless that I shouldn’t have needed to be the spokesperson for all Asian folks ever, and regardless that I dreaded being turned to for that objective, it didn’t really feel like a private assault. 

The questions that basically scared me, those that left me upset for the remainder of the day, have been those about my household. When folks would ask about my mother and pa, urgent me about whether or not they have been “strict tiger mother and father” or the place their accents have been from, I might instinctively shrink. My physique would go into defensive mode: I might vehemently deny any cultural variations. Pondering again on it, all the questions I obtained had easy solutions, however they have been onerous to seek for, as a result of I didn’t wish to face them.

Fortunately, I’ve outgrown this concern too. I’m pleased with my household and comfortable to share about my heritage. Being at Stanford and surrounded by many different Asian Individuals, I additionally don’t get these questions anymore. After I take into consideration myself now and the solutions I’m scared to confront, the concern that I cope with is each the identical and totally different.

It’s nonetheless the concern of being checked out with a humorous face, of feeling small and shedding my spot of comfortability inside a bunch. After I was first assembly different freshmen at NSO, small speak was straightforward, and I knew folks would overlook my title, hometown and main as quickly as they moved to somebody new. However because the yr progressed and our conversations within the dorm hallways prolonged later and later into the night time, my mates and I’ve more and more discovered ourselves within the hazard zone of question-asking: If I reply actually and present this a part of me, you’ll keep in mind it without end. 

Private experiences. Opinions of polarizing points. Insecurities and deepest secrets and techniques. Loads of questions invite vulnerability, and it’s not all the time straightforward to belief folks with fragile items of your self. It’s onerous to ask that of somebody and even scarier to reply. However, whenever you get to know folks like that, and whenever you belief that your sincere reply received’t destroy your reference to them, I believe these questions are probably the most rewarding to take an opportunity on.